Release the Bullshit, is absolutely the truth. I am talking about that little nagging voice in your head that puts you down every single day. That persistent negative voice that tells you: “Your too fat, your ugly, you aren’t good enough, You aren’t worth it…” You name it every one of those little lies creates an emotional rollercoaster that tries your patience and perseverance every day. But guess what all of those negative thoughts are all Bullshit!!! That negative chatter in our minds is completely false and destructive to your self-esteem, self-worth and confidence. The voice tells you so many horrible things. These persistent assaults eventually become engrained in your subconscious. And the sad truth is even if you think its a lie, your subconscious thinks its reality and it impacts your life everyday. You begin to believe it more and more as life progresses. It becomes cemented in your mind even if you try to brush it under the rug and push through. You think you are past the worry or fear only to be smacked in the face once again.
The voice in my mind still surprises me. I bet it will surprise you too. Most of my friends can’t believe these little lies have been impacting me all my life. You see, they have always seen the girl with a smile pushing forward. They thought my educational advancements were easy. That I was just a nerd that learned easily. They believed that I was confident, outgoing and super social. Some people actually call me a social butterfly. It all makes me want to laugh. Because I know the hard work it took to get through my own brain Bullshit. And the bullshit still continues throughout my life. My difficult and stressful educational path was less than easy. It took a lot of hard work and perseverance to overcome those fears. A little fact you may not know is that I was close to failing Kindergarten. Yep kindergarten, thankfully my parents pulled me out of private school. I pushed through Special classes for Learning Disability and was mainstreamed by 5th grade. I was able to join my friends in Private school once again but the anxiety and stress was far from behind me. I regularly told myself that I wasn’t intelligent or creative. I worked hard and studies late. School was never easy for me but the topics I enjoyed definitely were easier. I loved Science, no wonder I’m a Nurse and Health coach. I loved Psychology, know wonder I’m a hypnotist. But reaching this point in my life was a series of rollercoasters and obstacles. The subjects I enjoyed still involved studying, stress and worry. My mind was always filled with worry and fear. I would study and know everything but the moment the test arrived on my desk, I went BLANK. My fear and worry would set in and boom my brain would shut off. It was especially evident on big exams, like finals. My worst one was during 8th grade final exams. My mind went crazy and my stomach followed. Thankfully I had a kind and loving teacher that was super supportive. Because if I would have had some of my mean, negative and horrible teacher that day things would have been way worse. She hugged me and supported me the entire time. She saw the pain in my face and the fear in my eyes. She told me, “don’t worry you can take the test when you feel better, I promise you will be fine.” I ended up the hospital that day. My stomach pains had me hunched over and screaming. I realize now the impact worry and fear can have on your physical symptoms. But it has been a journey to figure that out. Fast forward to 2019, stressful events, conversations or challenges still create emotional shifts but my reaction is very different. I used to keep all my emotions pent up inside my body. This builds up in your digestive tract and mine eventually fell apart. But now I know my power, I know my strength and I know my truth. That little girl that feared failing an exam ending up with horrible stomach pain is gone. In her place is a woman that feels the emotional shifts, tackles them and spits them out. Some days are harder than others but actively working through it and shifting your mindset is extremely powerful. I also created a support system that has pushed me through and propelled me forward. Yet for some reason this post I created months ago was still hiding in my draft box. And today I woke up to write a blog post while I wait for my editor to finish with my book and decided to write this one. Yesterday, I looked at my mirror and began to recited the affirmations that were once written on the glass. I had erased them when I finally finished my book and felt the difference inside me. But I hadn’t truly felt the full shift until last night. The mirror only has a few words on it right now. Months ago it had a bunch of words that I wanted to engrain in my subconscious as new beliefs. And many will likely surprise you because most people see me very differently than I see myself. The mirror currently says, I am….A Goddess Unleashed. Which means I am a women that cut the cords in my subconscious mind that were holding me back by engraining positive affirmations in my mind to establish new beliefs. Thus my Podcast, Goddess Unleashed which begins December 5th. So now I will tell you what I recited last night in my head and then jump back into this post which I created months ago and paused for some reason. I recited, “I am knowledgeable, powerful, creative, beautiful, strong and abundant, and as I let go of the need to control things everything flows easily towards me.” This statement flowed easily and I recited it several times. These are things I worked hard to believe because my scared little girl had another story she wanted me to remember. She preferred hiding and being safe, but I had a plan that was very different. So let’s get back to this post.
I used to think that I was ugly and fat. I used to compare myself to other women and think how hideous I looked. That all began early on in school because I developed much faster than my friends. I turned into a full grown curvaceous latin woman in 7th grade. None of my friends looked like me. There weren’t actresses on TV that looked like me. I was trapped in the belief that my body was shameful and undesirable. Imagine that, at such a young age, thinking so little of yourself. Well sadly it happens all the time. It happens day after day, all over the world. It happens to women and men. As I aged and grew things got worse before they got better. Then suddenly after I began to feel physically better, I began to see myself through different eyes. And in my 40s, I realized that my body was beautiful and I looked like most adult women. As I look back now at pictures of myself in High School I realize, How wrong I was… I looked curvaceous and rustic with light green eyes and long dark silky black hair. But in my mind, I was too fat and my hips were too wide. I regularly compared myself to others: girlfriends, models and other women. I had comparison-itis until recently, which means basically I compared myself to everyone else and put myself down. I thought I was overweight and ugly most of my life. I was worried about everything and anxious all the time. But I realized this year, I was holding my childhood insecurities and fears all this time. Sometimes a minor little detail from our childhood, impacts us in impressive ways. My uncle used to call me, “Gorda.” In Spanish, it is actually supposed to be a good thing. It is considered a sweet, kind or loving name for someone you love. Funny thing is I actually use Gordie with absolute love and affection towards my boys when they were babies. They both used to be chubby babies and the word seemed to stick. Neither of them are chubby now but we use the word sometimes with nothing but love for them. I use it as a form of love for their delicious little baby faces. I can’t believe they have grown up so fast. Why did the word gordie seem fine in my mind but the word gorda bother me so much? Well it’s a long story, which I will get back to later but the fact is I Believed it! I believed all this time that I was actually Gorda. Looking back at pictures throughout my life, I had some times where I was swollen and had a few extra pounds but I was still beautiful. I always thought I was ugly and undesirable even though the world around me had a completely different interpretation. I worked hard over the past few years to love myself and build my self-esteem. And the biggest and most impactful part was using hypnosis, affirmations and statements on my mirror to create the shift. Basically, It involved releasing the Bullshit!!! I actively work on these emotions as they arise because they arise in life in many different obstacles or challenges.
Now as a published author, I finally feel like I have achieved beyond the expectations of my subconscious mind. I have finally broken free of the box the little girl was hiding in. I finally felt all those positive beliefs were entrained in my subconscious and evident in my life. The journey was far from easy but the truth I realized in the process is that I invested time, energy and money in this transformation. And when I truly invested in a support system, like The Author Incubator, I began to actually reach out when I needed help. I stopped being the do it all girl and expecting everything to fall into place easily. I started to express my worries and fears in the moment to get help from those in my group. And as I progressed, worked through the difficult obstacles and used my support system everything became easier. And here I am, now a published author and a women that finally believes those beautiful words about herself. I finally feel it in my skin. And feeling safe means my creativity flows easily. And this affirmation came to me yesterday, “I am safe and supported in my body when I connect with my self worth and purpose.”
But I realize the journey to get here was a process and my support system helped me succeed. And my dedication, persistence and resilience pushed me through all the challenges. So here are a few tips to help you achieve those new beliefs for yourself. You deserve more. You are stronger than you think. It just takes time for the message to be engrained in your subconscious but you can change it. So try this…
Steps of Releasing Worry or Fear:
1) Find it! What are you worried about?
2) Think about it. Really, deeply think about it.
3)FEEL it. I mean feel. The shivers, crying, goose bumps…All of your emotions. Go through your 5 senses in the moment and truly feel it.
4) Really, Feel it in the moment! A little deeper. By taking a few deep long breaths. If you watch my videos. I use the 5-5-5 breath. Breath in for 5, hold for 5 and release slowly for 5. I explain it further in my book.
5) Process the emotions thoroughly. Using a creative outlet, like journaling, painting, blogging, etc. facilitates this process.
6) Work through it with support. Find like minded colleagues, friends or co-workers. To help you through the process.
7) Accountability network. Find someone that will call your bullshit and push you through the hard times. Someone that know that you are struggling and point it out even in the hard times. For me the most effective were those I truly invested in, Mina Meetings and The Author Incubator. Because they helped me push through my obstacles by supporting me and holding me accountable along the way. I noticed that when I invested in my own personal development the shift came much easier than doing it alone.
7) Anchor a NEW belief. Write affirmations on paper, mirrors, phone alarms, etc. Any where you will see it? And when you see it every day read it, recite it and begin to change those beliefs.
8) Actively work through the negative thoughts and establish New beliefs everyday.
AND Finally, the goal of it all. The purpose of the journey
9) Release The Bullshit!!! Because you let go of all those negative thoughts and beliefs that your little girl/little boy had you thinking about yourself all this time. You are resilient, powerful and true. You can achieve anything you put your heart, mind and soul into. I believe in you.